It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
