Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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