If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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