I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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