True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The best revenge is premature balding
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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