i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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