Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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