the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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