i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
