I'm really into asian looking animals
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
