end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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