Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
