I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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