Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
