Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
