well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In America we eat man semen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
