Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
