from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
