were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
