You can't special order awesome
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
