even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
