I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
