When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
