after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
