my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
