No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
