He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
