this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
