mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
