Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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