He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
