I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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