don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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