Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
