chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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