I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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