I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we're so committed to being not committed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
