She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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