His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
