and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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