I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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