i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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