dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
