he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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