I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Threesome in a minivan. New low
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
