My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
...so i touched it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
