Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
