my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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