she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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