and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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