3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
