I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
