This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
