And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
